Pool at the Getty Villa in Malibu, CAI would like to nominate watching -- keeping watch over your intention, your tone of voice, and what that tone conveys about your intention. In his witty little book, Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners, Henry Alford dubs this sense of restrained caring "Evaluation without Litigation" and quizzes Project Runway's Tim Gunn about how to "make it work". I picked up these pointers from Henry and Tim: 

1. Know who you're criticizing -- both their background and their own intention. 
2. Talk only about things that the other person can change.
3. Prioritize your concerns, expressing the bigger ones before sharing the tiny annoyances.
4. Voice your concerns in a neutral tone. 

#1 calls for empathy practiced not at the emotional level, but in the sense of being able to see the world from another person's point of view.

#4 suggests that you suspend any inclination to pass judgment and instead transmit a certain indifference to the outcome. Alford explains that this is part of Gunn's "Make it work!" mantra that the budding designers on the show hear every episode. Gunn told him: 

I don't really care whether you 'like' your design or not. I want to know whether it's working or not, and how it can be made to work better. Like and dislike -- I don't want to sound disrespectful of either of those words, but they don't get you anywhere.

Here the inner watcher can help -- by keeping an eye on our ability to express such nonchalance and to deliver it in a non-anxious tone of voice. And this, in turn, can be a rare gift to the other person, making it possible for them to weigh your criticism or caution without fear of how it might affect you emotionally or impact your friendship.  

In the Washington DC metro area, you can enjoy a self-guided labyrinth tour sponsored by Living Labyrinths for Peace, (703) 217-6706, an organization that unites Art and Science, Technology and Nature with Spirit for Labyrinth Creations and Education that lead the way from Inner Peace to World Peace.

Check out these local labyrinths:  

• “Dance of the Labyrinth”: Art/technology labyrinth with computer programmed light boxes on which to walk.   Hours:  10 am – 5 pm. Living Labyrinths for Peace Center:  57 N St. NW 20001 near North Capitol and New York Avenues.  Enter from First Street NW.  Ring doorbell or contact:  Sandra Wasko-Flood, (703) 217-6706

• The Unitarian Universalist Church of Arlington: Outdoor painted labyrinth.  Hours:    9 am – 2 pm.  4444 Arlington Blvd., Arlington, VA 22204. 703-892-2565,   Contact:  Leah  Pelegrino,  (703) 920-1540

• St. Thomas’ Parish (Episcopal):  Permanent outdoor labyrinth.  Open daylight hours. 1772 Church St. NW, Washington DC, (Between P and Q on 18^th St. near Dupont Circle): Contact Deborah Greenbush, (202) 332-0607

• St. Luke’s Episcopal Church: Open during daylight hours. Outdoor Breamore-style labyrinth created with turf and pavers.  6030 Grosvenor Lane, Bethesda 20815. Contact: (301) 531-1800

• Brookside Gardens: Outdoor labyrinth.  Open sunrise to sunset.  1800 Glenallen Ave., Silver Spring, MD 20902-1369, Contact Michael Clarridge at Serenity Space, (301) 526-9023. Group Walk:  1 pm-2:30 pm

Labyrinth in the making, June 2010 (Source: Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund)

For a photo of the labyrinth being walked on opening day, visit Daylife.

Labyrinth at Wisdom House retreat center, Litchfield, CT

I'm excited to announce a bunch of labyrinth events where I'll be doing presentations, starting in November. 

First, on November 14, Cedar Lane UU Church in Bethesda, MD, will hold its annual Fall Labyrinth Walk with a food drive to support the Manna Food Drive in Montgomery County, MD. I'll be presenting a brief introduction to the labyrinth and will be available to answer your questions about the labyrinth, including its history and practice. 

Then, starting on December 10, I'll be doing a year's worth of labyrinth programs on the second Friday evening of each month, from 7 to 9 p.m., on the crypt level of Washington National Cathedral. These programs are part of the Cathedral's year-long celebration of the 15th anniversary of the Center for Prayer and Pilgrimage. In addition to the labyrinth, the "Re-center from the Center" evenings will also offer the ancient spiritual practices of chanting, silence, worship, and prayer.

All these are listed on the DC Metro Labyrinth Events calendar on this site. 

If you or your organization are interested in having a labyrinth program either at your site or at one of the labyrinths available in the DC area, please get in touch with me. 

Also, I've been reminded lately that folks get some inspiration from photos of the many outdoor labyrinths I visit -- and that I am way behind on posting them! So, I offer here a picture of the last labyrinth I visited, back in September.

But the voices that won't leave me alone are not those who are blogging about this issue or showing up in TV interviews. I'm thinking more of the friends of friends on Facebook with whom I've discussed each other's link posts. And I'm thinking of the woman from Ohio whom I met a couple of weeks ago when she came to town for a mutual friend's memorial service. Her husband is a 9th-generation farmer and stays close to home, but she has traveled quite a bit herself. I don't recall the details of the story she told as we sat on my porch after dark, getting acquainted over a glass of wine, but at one point she said, "I don't know much about the Catholic religion, but ...." She then told of a Catholic friend who had approached the death of a loved one in a way that seemed to reflect Catholic practice but also was understandable to one who was unfamiliar with that faith.

Tile detail from IstanbulHow many of us could substitute, "I don't know much about the Muslim religion, but ..." and finish the sentence with a story about the values of Islam that were borne out in a particular person's worthy actions? I don't think I could, even though I have worked with and prayed with Muslims in my community.

My Ohio friend's phrase keeps tugging at me, because it connects her heartland experience -- that of recognizing humanity buoyed by faith, even when the details of that religious practice are outside one's own experience -- with a key goal of the Park51 project: the opportunity to bear witness to faith in a way that will be concrete, memorable, and understandable even to those who know little about Islam. As expressed by building owner and developer Sharif El-Gamal, "We work in lower Manhattan, we care about lower Manhattan, and we’re here to provide services to lower Manhattan." Park51 will include sports facilities, an auditorium, community meeting rooms and classrooms, a restaurant and cooking school, a 9/11 memorial with space for quiet reflection, and a mosque, all of which dovetail nicely with the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation's goal of "ensuring the emergence of Lower Manhattan as a strong and vibrant community."

Of course the catch is that Park51's neighborhood is just to the north of where the World Trade Center towers fell and 2,976 innocent people died, the area known today as "Ground Zero."  For many people, the deaths at Ground Zero give it a status of "hallowed ground," comparable to the Gettysburg and Antietam battlefields where thousands died during the Civil War.

Sacred space and hallowed ground

If you're reading this on my web site, then it should be obvious that sacred space is a topic near and dear to my heart. My reading list and my travel choices keep it close at hand. I have visited churches and cathedrals, Buddhist meditation halls, mosques, and a beautiful Hindu temple in suburban Atlanta. I have dipped my hand in a holy well on Iona. I have walked the hallowed ground at Gettysburg and Borodino. My husband and I frequently pause at "To Our Glorious Fallen" monuments on courthouse lawns and in parks, so that we can honor not just the fallen heroes but also the community spirit that sustains their commemoration.

Pentagon MemorialI also have made several pilgrimages to the only permanent memorial yet completed at a 9/11 site, the one at the Pentagon, and recommend it to both locals and visitors, although few seem willing to make the effort. Perhaps it is too painful. The Pentagon Memorial is a very special outdoor place, open 24/7, telling the human story of innocent lives forever intertwined, making that story accessible in a way that requires few words and stimulates much reflection, especially at night when it's easier to hear the gurgling of the pools of water under the 184 benches, one for each victim.

What hallows Ground Zero, Gettysburg, and the Pentagon Memorial is not just the number of deaths that occurred there, but the meaning that we attach to those deaths. For what exactly did they die? Take Gettysburg, for example. When we honor those who fell there, we recognize its role as a turning point in our national story:

It is not just a place of ultimate past sacrifice but a place where we now make pilgrimages to honor those past actions; it is a site of "altars and shrines".... In this place, "the Union" was saved. The idea of the United States of America was preserved -- and, more than preserved, a new vision for what America could be in the future was embodied in the successful sacrifice of these cultural heroes and offered  to the rest of the nation (including us) in the brilliant rhetoric of Lincoln's address. (Scott Leonard and Michael McClure, Myth and knowing: An introduction to the world mythology, pp. 325-6) 

So what do we commemorate at Ground Zero that does justice to the sacrifice made by those who sat at their desks or rushed as rescuers into the burning buildings? The answer was offered first when President George W. Bush spoke on September 20, 2001, at a joint session of Congress:

I ask you to uphold the values of America, and remember why so many have come here. We are in a fight for our principles, and our first responsibility is to live by them. No one should be singled out for unfair treatment or unkind words because of their ethnic background or religious faith....

Freedom and fear are at war.  The advance of human freedom -- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us....

The controversy over the Park51 project provides a reminder that, nine years later, freedom and fear are still at war in America. Muslims already worship daily within two blocks of Ground Zero. Christian churches stand within the same radius. Fear wins if we draw an arbitrary line and declare that no organized Muslim worship is permitted within this perimeter but Christian congregations are welcome to stay. If that happens, then the terrorists have achieved their objective -- to sow hate and chaos by convincing the world that America is at war with Islam.

What can we learn from the Carmelites?

Some have drawn parallels between Park51's proximity to Ground Zero and that of the Carmelite convent established at Auschwitz in the 1980s, with support from the government in then-Communist Poland. The nuns felt they were entitled to remain in a building associated with the former concentration camp, but Pope John Paul II told them to move.  Park51 has met all the local zoning hurdles, but many feel  that it, too,  should relocate -- to somewhere more distant from Ground Zero.

The Carmelite situation and that of Park51 are not identical. First, the President is not the Pope. The federal government has no legal authority to overrule a local zoning decision. And in the area of moral authority, to tell the Park51 group to build elsewhere would be to violate the President's oath to uphold the Constitution and its First Amendment guaranteeing freedom of religion.

Furthermore, Auschwitz is a potent symbol of the horrific attempt by a government to eradicate an entire religion and culture, along with millions of others who did not meet or accept Germany's standards of "purity." The lives of those killed there have consecrated it as a painful, enduring reminder of what can happen when citizens conspire by their silence to allow groups to be marginalized. The 9/11 attacks, on the other hand, were carried out by a small group of radicals who sought to provoke just the kind of institutionalized hatred that led to Auschwitz. We didn't take the bait, and that has made Ground Zero a symbol of American determination not to give in to prejudice and fear. 

We didn't take the bait in 2001, and we shouldn't take it now.

I recently visited the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC, for the first time, having it put off for years because I didn't want to face what I expected to be a grim depiction of the facts about the Holocaust. I shouldn't have been surprised, I suppose, that it wasn't like that at all. Yes, the story is grim, but simply telling the story of the deaths of 6 million Jews and 5 million others is not the goal of the museum. The goal is far simpler and yet far more difficult: To have every visitor leave with a personal sense of "Never again" -- the ability to recognize the first fruits of hatred and the resolve to stand in their way. This article is part of my response to that imperative.

So, what can we learn from the Carmelites? That it is possible, even likely, for people of good will to hold radically different views and experience radically different emotions regarding the same situation -- and yet still remain people of good will. Those who are in favor of building Park51 and those who are against it have equal rights to express their opinion. When we remember the freedoms bought with the lives of those who died on 9/11 and in Iraq and Afghanistan, we need to include not just freedom of religion, but also freedom of speech.

Another way

However, it is a sad truth that honoring the freedoms that the 9/11 terrorists were aiming to destroy cannot ease the pain of the families still grieving for those killed. Therefore, it is not surprising that opinion on the building of Park51 is mixed among those families, as it is even among Muslims and indeed across the country. Some family members favor building it, precisely so that it can be a sign of reconciliation and peace near Ground Zero. Others say the pain is too great, the wound too raw, with the implication that they want to keep their distance from anything having to do with Islam. That, of course, is their right. No one is going to force the parent or child of a 9/11 victim to visit Park51, nor will it even be visible from Ground Zero (and vice versa).

If attitudes about this project will forever be in conflict, then who should win?

I maintain that's the wrong question. To view this project with an eye toward winners and losers misses the opportunity for growth and reconciliation. Many philosophical, psychological, and spiritual traditions maintain that the ability to hold onto an uncomfortable contradiction is necessary for advancement.  However, most of us prefer to see our problems in black and white, with a clear choice. In fact, what we really seek is not to have to choose at all.  We want the choice to be made for us -- by law or custom -- so that we can avoid the risk and potential remorse of making the wrong choice.

Yet it is ambiguity, that "tension of the opposites" as the 20th century psychologist  Carl Jung put it, that has the power to bring about real change, real social and cultural innovation, real progress, as we transcend the conflict to find new common ground.  In his response to President Obama's iftar dinner statement, Rabbi Irwin Kula acknowledged the interconnected truths that are in play with the Park51 project:

First, that we ought never to forget those who lost their lives on 9/11. Second, that we must always honor those who courageously sacrificed their lives trying to save their fellow citizens. Third, that we need to be ever-sensitive and empathetic to those who suffered traumatic loss of loved ones, a brokenness that can never be fully healed. But we also need to hold these truths together with one more truth: a profound understanding of what ultimately makes Ground Zero hallowed ground, and of what gives the lives of those who perished some redemptive meaning, however inadequate such meaning may be to those who every day mourn their loved ones.

 Americans from across this country as well as visitors from all over the world come to Ground Zero not simply because people were murdered there. Rather, they come to stand in silence as sacred witnesses to the enduring truth that the terrorists hoped to undermine: that the unprecedented range of freedoms enshrined in our Constitution, to which we are collectively committed and always reaching to realize more deeply, and among which the freedom of religion is perhaps the most important, is what makes America a unique experiment in human history. It is precisely these freedoms that were attacked on 9/11, and Ground Zero is sacred soil because it is for these freedoms that 3,000 people of diverse religious, and ethnic identities, including Muslims, died, and for which American men and women are fighting. 

When visitors arrive at Ground Zero 150 years from now, what will they see? My hope is that they will see evidence that 9/11, like Gettysburg, was a turning point in American history from which the nation grew stronger in its commitment to freedom. They will see the kind of global commerce and cultural diversity that has always made New York a beacon for those yearning to breathe free. And as they explore the vibrant neighborhoods of lower Manhattan, they will know that in the war between freedom and fear, freedom won. 

However, what lies at the center of the labyrinth is not a physical monster, but any hero's greatest fear -- that of confronting his own failure and guilt. Inception's Ariadne is the only member of the team who realizes that the team leader, Cobb (Leonardo di Caprio), has allowed such a monster to grow in his own mind and must face it if they are all to survive. Instead of giving the hero a ball of thread to find his way out, this Ariadne helps Cobb find his way in.  

But there is another, sadder aspect of the Ariadne-Theseus-Minotaur myth that is also represented in Inception, one far less well known, probably because it tarnishes the image of Theseus as a hero. After Theseus kills the Minotaur, Ariadne's betrayal means she can't stay in Crete. She joins Theseus in his flight back to Athens, but he abandons her on the island of Naxos. Some versions, though, say that Ariadne dreams of the god Dionysus, that he plans to marry her, and voluntarily chooses to remain behind to await his coming. So who represents this other Ariadne in Inception? It's Mal, Cobb's wife. I can't say much more without revealing some important plot twists, but suffice it to say that the themes of abandonment, rescue, and the choice between the dream world and the material world run in multiple layers through this film.

If Cobb is the Theseus-like hero, is there anything else about the Theseus myth that might provide a clue to the ambiguous ending of Inception? In Sophocles' play, Oedipus at Colonus, the wearied, blind king Oedipus, killer of his father and husband to his mother, has come to the end of his wanderings and finds merciful refuge with Theseus. In return, Oedipus blesses Theseus and his city and promises that, as long as Theseus and his heirs keep the secret of the place where Oedipus will die and be buried, Athens will remain safe from "the dragon's sons" of Thebes:

Presently now, without a soul to guide me,
I'll lead you to the place where I must die;
But you must never tell it to any man,
Not even the neighborhood in which it lies.
If you obey, this will count more for you
Than many shields and many neighbors' spears.
These things are mysteries, not to be explained;
But you will understand when you come there
Alone. 

Theseus apparently kept the secret, and the grave of Oedipus remains unknown. 

Just a couple of other fascinating connections between Inception and other films:  

• Tom Hardy, who portrayed the thief/forger/impersonator Eames in Inception, was the hero Theo in the 2006 film Minotaur. 
• Cobb's wife Mal is played by Marion Cotillard, who won an Oscar for her portrayal of Edith Piaf in the 2007 bio-pic La Vie en Rose. And it is Piaf's "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" (No, I Regret Nothing) that provides the dreamnauts with an aural cue that the "kick" to wake them from the dream is about to take place -- just a coincidence, I've read in various articles, including Music in Media: Edith Piaf in Inception. For more on how that song permeates the entire soundtrack, read Edith Piaf vs. Inception's Mind Heist.

“Dance of the Labyrinth” by Sandra Wasko-Flood: Computer programmed light boxes on which to walk at the Living Labyrinths for Peace Center, Washington DC.

Artist and labyrinth designer Sandra Wasko-Flood is opening her studio and "black box" computerized labyrinth for walking on the second annual World Labyrinth Day, held the first Saturday in May. Don't miss this opportunity for a truly unique labyrinth experience! The studio will be open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.:

Living Labyrinths for Peace
57 N Street, NW
Washington, DC 20001
RSVP: (703) 217-6706 

World Labyrinth Day is a project of The Labyrinth Society, which encourages people worldwide to walk a labyrinth in the 1 o'clock hour, local time, so that we might "Walk as One at One."

"For many women, having someone come from another country and offer this little garden was really new. Some asked me, 'Why would they see me, an Afghan woman, as important?'" 

Isn't everyone be important enough to have a safe space to play, reflect, chat, and learn?

It wasn't enough, though, just to build the park and supply it with armed guards. Tamana Ghaznewil, the park worker, explained the outreach that brought women to the park:

"Our classes and our park are so busy -- but only because India went to the Kabul slum areas and talked to the women about coming."

Is that the way it works in your neighborhood? Are there populations who aren't aware that the parks are for them? 

• Labyrinths
• Memorials
• Gardens/parks
• Worship spaces

This will be an ongoing project, and I welcome your suggestions of other sites that should be included.